It is with great regret that I write this blog post. It seems that Herman Munster shoes for women are back; the clunky, chunky, unfeminine clodhopper that is about as sexy and creative as a Buick from the 70’s.
For me, I take the return of these unsightly shoes extremely personally, like some sort of vendetta.
See, I ran these shoes out of town when I started my business in 2002 when many of my clients had these eyesores in their closets. I had to fight, bargain, and argue with my clients to get rid of them. You have NO idea the ridiculous conversations I had over these shoes, these ugly, square-toed, Frankenstein-looking shoes.
After nine years of eradicating them from all of my clients’ closets, to see them return I can only imagine that this is how an exterminator must feel seeing varmint return after their thorough extermination. God, I hate these shoes. To see them back again kills me. I actually felt angered when I saw their return like, in some way, they were mocking me: “See, you can try to get rid of us but we will ALWAYS return to haunt you. Mwahhahaha!!!!”
Why do I hate them so much? Well, isn’t it obvious? They’re ugly. They’re also pedestrian-looking, totally unfeminine, and absolutely uninspired. Women often cling to shoes like this, however, not just because they’re comfortable, but also because they’re easy. Yet, easy isn’t always the best way of doing things. Easy often means lazy and I find having shoes like this in your closet encourages wardrobe laziness. These shoes are like the sweatpants of footwear. Sure, you can grab your lazy sweats all the time and wear them. You may be comfortable but you won’t exactly feel good about yourself.
Plus, most Herman Munsters are black. Black? At this point haven’t we all learned that black is not the versatile shoe that we all thought it was? Argue with me all you want, but one doesn’t need a wardrobe full of black shoes. I, myself, don’t own one pair. I’m not against black shoes in moderation, but I am against them when they are boring sad shoes like these. For a black shoe to be worth anything in your closet it has to be creative looking, not orthopedic.
Yet, clients get so protective and angered by my suggestion to rid themselves of these shoes, almost like a weird case of Stockholm Syndrome. The showdown continues with a client defensively demanding that I find an alternative that is as easy and as versatile as their Herman Munsters. Um…okay, here is the thing, ladies: There probably isn’t a shoe on the planet as easy as these shoes. It’s sort of asking me to look for a more suitable alternative to a housedress. You’re basically saying to me, “I want to look like a schlump and unless you can find me another way to continue doing that then I’m not interested. So, if embracing that level of comfort and versatility is what you’re clinging to then I probably can’t help you. However, if you’d be willing to step it up, a fraction of a notch, I can show you better options all day long.
So, to those of you committed to wearing your Herman Munsters, pick up a pair, as they’re clearly back, and then call in a year when your outfits feel dull and you can’t figure out why. I’ll be waiting with my extermination paraphernalia ready to run them out of your closet…yet again.
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