I had planned to return after my holiday break last week but gave myself an extra week for my mental health. Normally, when a year is hard, I’m eager to close that chapter on New Year’s Eve and look ahead to fresh possibilities. But this year? This year felt different. Instead of optimism, I was met with panic and dread.

Let’s just say last year was a lot. Looking back, I can see how the weight of everything slowly built up until I felt buried under it all. It all started so great. After an amazing tropical vacation to celebrate my 50th birthday, I was hit with a diagnosis of Psoriatic Arthritis— a chronic, autoimmune that causes inflammation in the joints, tendons, and ligaments, and something I’ll manage for the rest of my life with medication. While I’m grateful that modern medicine and a wonderful rheumatologist have helped me get back to feeling nearly normal, the road to recovery was anything but easy. Pain, exhaustion from meds, and months of being sidelined took a toll.

As if that wasn’t enough, business took a serious hit. In some ways, it was a blessing because it forced me to focus on healing, but it wasn’t something I could really afford to let happen. When what should have been our busy spring season turned into a lukewarm one, we entered what is usually the slow season of summer completely ill-prepared. Our financial safety net started to shrink, I had to cut back staff hours, and panic set it.   What followed next? My business got sued.

I don’t need to tell you how awful lawsuits are—they’re draining, scary, confusing, time-consuming, and, worst of all, costly. They can also be needlessly cruel. My settlement prevents me from sharing details, but I can say it wasn’t related to client work—it was about a copyright issue and my website that should have been easily handled quickly and at a small cost but wasn’t. The lawsuit didn’t just financially kill me, the stress of it also devastated me.  

At that point, I was running on empty. If you read my post after returning from my summer break, you might’ve noticed something different in my tone—resigned, maybe even a little apathetic. I was struggling, and clearly frustrated. Then came the election, which only deepened my sense of despair. I normally steer clear of politics here, but I can’t hide it: I was not in a good place. By the time the holidays arrived, I was utterly burnt out, exhausted, and feeling broken. I couldn’t bear the thought of entering another year of defeat, but I also couldn’t find the energy to feel hopeful. I was, without a doubt, depressed. 

On New Year’s Eve, I picked “fearless” as my word of the year because I wasn’t ready to give up despite everything. I would pick myself up and fight—this is what I do. I’m a survivor. But as the days passed, between New Year’s and my birthday on the 5th, “fearless” just didn’t sit right. I didn’t want to approach life as something to fear. I didn’t want to be a fighter.  After a year of survival, there had to be a better way.

Then, the day before my birthday, the dam broke. My headspace was at an all-time low. It was bitterly cold, and while cleaning my stovetop, my elbow knocked my favorite coffee mug off the counter—the cherished FIT mug given to me by some of my students when I volunteered as a design critic, also my alma mater— and shattered at my feet. It was sort of that last straw moment that wasn’t world-ending, but you know those moments when you’re at the edge and the simplest thing sets you off. But it didn’t set me off. Instead, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace. I was at a breaking point—financially, emotionally, physically—and now mug-less. I couldn’t help but laugh and finally let go.  

THIS IS WHERE TED LASSO JOINS THE STORY  

Apple TV was free to watch that weekend and was one of the few streaming services we hadn’t yet subscribed to because, jeez, just how many subscriptions does one need?  So my husband, Frank, and I decided to take advantage of it. That was when I finally found exactly what I needed: Ted Lasso. The show was a balm for my soul, a perfect mix of kindness, love, humor, and empathy. When Frank asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I told him, “All I want is peace.” Watching Ted Lasso became my peace. I spent my birthday binge-watching the show…and enjoying the best ricotta pancakes I’ve ever had for brunch. It might sound simple, but when you’re grasping for calm, you don’t need much.

The premise of Ted Lasso is built on an unlikely premise: an American football coach is hired to lead a professional football (known as soccer to Americans) team in the English Premier League, despite knowing nothing about the sport. As Ted navigates this world, he builds relationships with his new team and works toward success, all while keeping his humor, optimism, and charm front and center. One of his most powerful pieces of advice is:

“Be curious, not judgmental.”  This was when I found my word of the year, curiosity.  

You can watch the scene here:

MY WORD OF THE YEAR FOR 2024: CURIOSITY

A word of the year often finds you, and my word found me through this scene. Being curious means approaching situations with a mindset of exploration. Instead of seeing something or someone and quickly labeling them as “good” or “bad,” you take the time to learn more. It’s about understanding context, recognizing that everyone has their own story, and not rushing to judge based on limited information. On a personal level, it encourages self-reflection too. When facing challenges or emotions, rather than criticizing yourself or rushing to solve the problem, you pause and ask: “Why am I feeling this way?” “What can I learn from this?” “What is my role in this situation?” It’s an invitation to be more empathetic, patient, and open to growth—whether with others or with yourself. It’s the belief that curiosity opens doors, while judgment often shuts them.

HOW I WILL BE EXPLORING CURIOSITY IN 2025

  • Approach my career and business with an open mind, staying curious about what’s next and what could be.
  • Create space to try new things and tackle challenges, even when they feel intimidating.
  • Focus on understanding people and situations instead of labeling or criticizing.
  • Accept that my perspective is always incomplete and evolving, and that’s okay.

Much of what made 2024 a challenge was how intimidating all the unknowns were. My career felt a little lost, my future uncertain, and I questioned many of my choices. Being at a crossroads is scary and while there are still unknowns in my life, choosing now to approach them with curiosity makes them feel less frightening and overwhelming, and, dare I say, interesting and exciting.

Clearly, I’m a work in progress, and a binge of Ted Lasso may be a joyful healing balm, but it’s not the answer.  I’m back in therapy, going to work with a business mentor, and curiously opening myself up as I continue to heal. No one is immune to tough times. I also signed up for an AppleTV subscription so I can rewatch Ted Lasso again, and likely many more times after that. But that doesn’t make it any easier to admit when you’re not okay, especially in a time of social media when everyone only puts their best foot forward.  Publicly sharing the story of my past year is scary and feels emotionally unsafe because of the lingering stigma around mental health—like it’s a sign of weakness or a lack of willpower. It’s why so many people hold back from asking for help because of fear of being judged or seen as “fragile” or “incapable.” But instead of jumping to judgment, what if we chose to be curious about each other? Maybe we’d create a space where being honest about our struggles felt like strength, not a vulnerability. Perhaps we could all be a little more curious this year?

As I curiously plunge into 2025, I thank you for taking the journey with me, and if you have a word of the year, I’d love to hear it and the story behind it.

If you’re struggling with mental health in the United States, you can call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can also text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line