It’s great to be back after a much-needed hiatus.  For the most part, it was quiet, but my husband, Frank, and I did take a long weekend trip to Colorado to visit family.  Rachel, my faithful assistant, is also my second cousin, so after quite a few years of only seeing each other virtually, we got to spend time in person.  Frank and I visited places like Estes Park, strolled gorgeous Old Town Fort Collins, had some family dinners, and went square dancing at Cherokee Park Ranch, a place where my cousin, Roger (and Rachel’s dad), a well-known square dance caller, calls once a week.  It has probably been since elementary school PE since I dosey doe’d.  Best of all, I got to see my aunt, my dad’s eldest sister, whom I adore.  You may remember, my dad died almost 28 years ago, so being with her really makes me feel reconnected to him.

Top Left: with Frank at Estes Park, Bottom Left: with my Aunt Margo, Middle: at Old Town Fort Collins with Rachel, Right: Getting our ranch (and square dancing) on at Cherokee Park Ranch

Now I’m back, rested, and celebrating my 23rd year in business.  Leading up to this milestone, I found myself thinking about the varying levels of fashion skill clients have when they hire me.  For those with the biggest learning curve, fashion can be like learning a new language.  In these situations, it can be intimidating, overwhelming, and frustrating to navigate an unknown world.  

YOU’RE NOT BROKEN— YOU JUST NEVER GOT THE MEMO

If you’ve ever stood in front of your closet feeling like a fraud, unsure how to even begin putting yourself together, this is for you. If you’ve ever wondered how everyone else seems to just “know” what to wear while you stare blankly at your wardrobe, frozen between shame and confusion, you are not alone. In fact, you’re in the majority.

After over two decades of styling women, what surprises me isn’t that so many women struggle with fashion—it’s that they all assume they shouldn’t. That they’re somehow failing at being women because they don’t instinctively know how to dress themselves.

Let me say this clearly: not knowing how to dress well is not a personal failure. It is not a character flaw. It is not a sign that you missed some rite of passage that every other woman attended. You didn’t get the memo because the memo was never meant for you, and that is fashion’s fault.

THERE WAS NO MEMO— JUST MARKETING

The myth that women are born loving shopping, fashion, and style? That wasn’t written by women. That was created for women—to sell to women. It goes back more than a century, to the rise of department stores like Selfridges, designed by men as safe spaces for newly “liberated” women to exercise choice. You can read about that here.  Shopping was marketed as a reward for our newfound freedom. A distraction. A playground. A training ground for what we were told we wanted.

This wasn’t evolution. It wasn’t biology. It was branding. And we bought it—because, for many women, it was the first time they were ever asked, “What do you want?”

The problem? That narrative stuck. And it created generations of women who believed that if they didn’t enjoy shopping, if they didn’t understand fashion, if they didn’t look good in trends, they were broken. Not feminine enough. Not stylish enough. Not enough, period.

FASHION’S NARRATIVE ISN’T YOURS (AND THAT’S THE PROBLEM

Here’s the thing: fashion sells one very narrow story. And most women don’t fit it. They’re not all size 2. They don’t all love pastels or bodycon dresses or puff sleeves. They don’t all want to covet this season’s must-have. They want to look like themselves.

And yet, because this narrative is so dominant, women internalize it. They don’t question the system; they question themselves.

Take one of my clients, Mrs. Manifold. A former roadie turned flower farmer, she lives on a farm in Iowa, loves red lipstick, fleece-lined jeans, and designers who respect good fabric. She had no fashion upbringing, yet instinctively knew quality when she saw it. Her style didn’t come from a quiz or a capsule wardrobe app. It came from her story.

When women feel out of step with fashion, it’s not because they’re confused. It’s because the story fashion is telling doesn’t include them.

YOU ARE THE PACKAGING.  WHAT ARE YOU ADVERTISING?

Clothing is more than fabric. It’s non-verbal communication. It’s packaging. It’s how we tell the world who we are before we ever say a word. And just like product packaging, we respond instinctively to visual cues. We make decisions based on how something feels before we understand it consciously.

When a woman puts on something that feels right—that fits her life, her values, her personality—she steps differently. She speaks differently. She becomes more herself. You’ve felt it. Even if only in fleeting moments, you’ve had the experience of wearing something that made you feel powerful, aligned, invincible.

But if fashion has always felt like a language you never learned, you’ve likely never experienced that clarity consistently. And if that’s the case, let me reassure you: it’s not too late to start.

PERMISSION TO BE A BEGINNER

So before you beat yourself up for not knowing the “rules,” take a breath. You don’t need to fix yourself; you just need to start experimenting. Style isn’t about getting it perfect every time—it’s about giving yourself the freedom to try, learn, and enjoy the process. Cutting yourself some slack is often the very thing that unlocks confidence.

  • Pick one thing, not everything. Instead of reinventing your whole wardrobe, start with one piece that feels like you. A jacket, a pair of shoes, a color that makes you smile. Build slowly.
  • Treat experiments as experiments. Trying something new isn’t success or failure—it’s data. If it doesn’t work, you’ve learned something useful.
  • Wear it at home first. Unsure about a piece? Test drive it around the house before taking it into the world. You’ll know quickly if it feels like you.
  • Give yourself language. Instead of “I look bad in this,” try “this doesn’t reflect me.” That shift keeps style about expression, not judgment.
  • Remember: nobody’s watching that closely. People are far more focused on themselves than on your hemline. Truly.

And remember, it’s never too late to learn. People take up painting, piano, or running marathons in their 50s, 60s, even 70s. Why should style be any different? Wherever you’re starting from is the perfect place to start.

 FASHION WAS NEVER THE TEST.  JUST A TOOL.

The fashion industry wants you to believe there are rules you must follow, pieces you must own, trends you must accept or fear being left behind. And if you don’t know the rules, well then, good luck.

But here’s the truth: fashion was never meant to be a test. It’s a tool. A language. A form of visual storytelling that you get to use—on your terms. You don’t need to be fluent. You just need to start where you are.

And if you never got the memo on how to dress? Good. Because the memo was garbage.

Let’s write a new one.

One that starts with who you are—not who the industry says you should be. One that sees fashion not as a measure of your worth, but as a reflection of your wholeness. One that finally makes room for you.

Need a helping hand? Reach out by filling out an Image and Style Assessment to book a free exploratory call with me. Like square dancing at Cherokee Park Ranch, the steps feel confusing until you try them—and then, with a little guidance, you find your rhythm.